I'm not sure if a 'Boring Life' is for me. But I am sure I need some seasons of my life to be boring.
Since I was 20 I've grinded away at my career, side hustles, etc... It made me happy. But at a certain point I got far enough ahead I felt complete. I needed a boring phase.
I now wake up, have breakfast with my family, go to work, come home, play with my kids, watch a show, and go to bed. This is a day I would have scoffed at 10 years ago. But it now makes me happy. I don't think it would make me happy if I hadn't went for something the last 15.
And it might not make me happy forever, but it's perfect for me right now.
I spent my 20s and most of 30s career focused. Now 43 with two kids and in a spot where I can pick what I want to some degree. I can’t imagine the life I have now during my 20s. Maybe it would have been great.
But I’m glad life wasn’t “boring” when I had time freedom.
> Just watching the film made me feel so calm. Like the film itself gave me a warm hug and whispered: “It’s okay to live a slow boring life”.
Maybe it’s me but the only reason you can fall in love with the life of a Japanese toilet cleaner is because either the Japanese society allows someone in that profession to be at peace or the movie leaves out significant parts of life that impact your inner peace. Coming from a place where worrying about arranging even a small amount of money in a short amount of time for a medical emergency could ruin your peace for years, I think all of what’s mentioned in the article is possible only after your basic needs are taken care of.
This is it. Of course you love a boring life. Boring is great, in most people's lives variance is terrible news. But boring means being able to tank variance, which is an absurd luxury.
The idea of slowing down and finding joy in small routines assumes you've already escaped the constant anxiety of bills. It’s hard to be at peace when your baseline reality is a few paychecks away from chaos.
There’s a quiet cruelty in how modern economies make stability feel like a luxury. Owning a home, having savings, or even time to be bored used to be normal milestones, now they are privileges. Until the basics are within reach again, the “boring” life will remain a fantasy for many who’d give anything for that kind of peace.
Most of us here work in tech and make six figures, but not everyone has that luxury.
I don't know, I really don't feel like it is. I think it's pretty clear that the choice of "unhappiness"/"sadness" is to clearly put it in opposition to the popular "money doesn't bring happiness" cliche, not out of some absolute claim on the magnitude of the suffering the lack of money could bring (so, merely sadness, but not agony, desolation, suffering, or any other stronger negative emotion one could choose).
It just makes the propositional logic of the sentence clearer:
I'm glad the sentence structure is pleasing to your logical brain. As a counterpoint, my family has generational trauma from decades of economic stress and that cliche feels minimizing to me.
> There’s a quiet cruelty in how modern economies make stability feel like a luxury. Owning a home, having savings, or even time to be bored used to be normal milestones, now they are privileges.
Ehh, I don't know. Didn't people for vast majority of our history worry about what (if anything) they would eat not even next month, but next week?
Sure, for most of human history, survival was a daily concern. It's just unnatural that in a time of record productivity and abundance, many still feel the same survival anxiety.
My point isn’t that we’re worse off than pre-industrial farmers. It is that progress was supposed to free us from that precarity, not repackage it with Wi-Fi and subscriptions.
"Plunge into the world, and then, after a time, when you have suffered and enjoyed all that is in it, will renunciation come; then will calmness come. So fulfil your desire for power and everything else, and after you have fulfilled the desire, will come the time when you will know that they are all very little things; but until you have fulfilled this desire, until you have passed through that activity, it is impossible for you to come to the state of calmness, serenity, and self-surrender." -Swami Vivekananda
When I was in my 20s and early 30s I read that and scoffed because I was hustling, building my career and company. But over the last few years, I realize all that hustling just leads to an empty shell of a life. I just want a simple life where I spend a lot of time with my wife, son and family.
Sounds like that is the best of both worlds if you can now chase what is meaningful to you today if that is no longer the grind. And had you not “hustled,” you might’ve always wondered “what if?” (which is the true tragedy.)
> “let us take on the world while we’re young and able, and bring us back together when the day is done” - the highwomen
I think in most developed, even developing countries, a simple life with simple joys does not require extraordinary effort and commitment to career. The issue is mostly the inflation of expectations for what is "required" in life, such that "simple joys" becomes a $10 coffee every morning.
We used to be like that, but now we have coffee made in a $25 drip coffee machine bought at Wal Mart. The coffee is actually better because I ultra optimized the preparation process to perfectly suit our taste (100+ days of tweaking parameters during Covid).
The author mistakes introversion to do-little/nothing. Many introverts love socializing and being around friends, it’s just energy-depleting and takes (more) time to recharge.
That said, doing little or nothing is quite relaxing, especially on rainy days.
> I feel the world has become too fast. Too restless. Too demanding. We don’t say it, but there’s always this quiet pressure we all feel. A pressure to know all the latest trends. The latest fashion. The latest tech. A pressure that creates a subtle fear inside our hearts.
I agree with the general premise, just not the details like the above.
Long before trends, fashions, tech entered my life, I became acutely aware of my brevity in this (likely one and only) life. That has been pressure enough, coming from within, to make the most of it.
I guess I have not yet been able to shake that. There are things, like fishing for example, that I suspect I might enjoy. But I see feel the time for fishing is when I am too old to do other things.
FWIW, I am retired now and spend my days working on one project or another (or several).
Perhaps I am not enjoying life as much as I could be … if I could just shake off the anxiety that the sand is running through the hourglass.
I really like the ideas presented. I hope more people can find happiness like this.
Aside - For some reason I can't stand the writing style but also strongly feel that this opinion is completely wrong and this intense dissonance is a very very bizarre feeling.
"When I was a kid, science fiction was off in the future somewhere. . . now it’s kind of science fact. . . AI and social media and all these influences are driving progress so quickly, at a pace that I think many of us, as human beings, are having a hard time keeping up with."
This is a quote from Alex Proyas (director of Dark City, irobot, the crow etc), he has long observed that humans are biologically under-adapted for a modernity of silicon-fueld complexity
The author is just describing the transition to middle age. This has been the transition into one’s late 30s/40s throughout our current era. Why do you think people have midlife crises? It’s because they don’t want to regress to “boringness”.
Well written but I challenge the notion that this is a “new” problem.
> Instead, do things that are sustainable in the long-term. Things that don’t make you feel like you’re betraying yourself. Things that don’t feel forced.
As a counter-perspective, not saying you have, but me forcing myself to do things that are essentially the opposite of that (move to the other side of the world without any plan) basically changed my life for the better. It felt forced, a bit like betraying myself, and as an introvert, completely outside my comfort zone. Yet it was probably the best decision I've made in my life so far.
But again, it's OK to wanting to focus on sustainable, non-forced things too.
I loved this movie, and I appreciate the overall premise of the letter -- simplicity can be freeing, because it allows you time to breathe and discover what really fulfills you. That said, I will never have just 3 hobbies. That's not who I am. I did, through the clarity of the pandemic, learn that there is more to life than money and climbing the career ladder. I don't know that I would have learned that without that time to be alone with my own self trying to find ways to be fulfilled in a time where my job at the time wholeheartedly sucked.
This has to be personality-dependent, as with so many other aspects of human existence; a cozy quiet little life is not what I want at all.
I do like the author's point about "it's ok to miss out", though. You're going to miss most of life anyway, whatever you do, so as long as you found a path through life that felt full as you were walking it, what's the difference which one it was?
Some people reading this (systems engineers with a career) could probably retire, or at least downshift. Work just enough to pay for groceries, and spend your days doing what you actually want.
Today we can access, easily and cheaply (often free), almost every song ever recorded, every book ever written, every movie ever filmed, every video game ever made. You can write and reach thousands. You can film and reach millions. Twenty years ago, that was a millionaire’s life.
It’s the need for more and more and more that alienates us. Do you really need that shiny new car? Do you really need to take a vacation? Do you really need that promotion?
For some, work (and the status that comes with it) became their identity. Take it away and there’s nothing left. Others keep constant noise and stress around just to avoid hearing themselves think.
This flavor of "FOMO" is new and tuned for capitalism/materialism, hence everyone wants to be go to trendy restaurants/travel/airbnb lifestyle.
But before "FOMO" used to be religious, more like "FOGTH", or fear of going to hell.
So people were mostly happy living simple, sweet lives. Spend time with family. Raise your children. Have a simple job. Just don't go to hell, so go to church, pray, don't sin. Everything will be great, as long as you don't go to hell.
Probably in like the 60s did consumerism become the mainstream religion and it's been taking over since. Now you *must* make more money to: buy a house, take a fancy vacation, live a luxurious retirement, etc.
The cringe "hustle culture" of today is because for some people, it's their spiritual fulfillment. It is their religion. Their main focal point of existence is to buy bigger, buy better. It's almost taboo to consider an early retirement, "omg, I'd get so bored! I'd go crazy!"
How dare you not follow my religion of selling B2B SaaS? You are not a go-getter, and I am. Did I mention I also have a podcast?
As I have gotten older there are an increasing amount of things I'm not interested in, don't think about, or don't care about anymore.
Music. The latest hits have no appeal to me. It's just noise. I caught myself thinking, "What is this crap these days.". This 100% reminded me of my parents that no longer had interest in listening to the radio, which I thought was really weird and "uncool" as a kid.
Work Topics. I would be in the middle of every e-mail or work topic with great interest. Now, I just file certain e-mails away with never reading them. For the first time in my life I'm that person that can be reminded, "Didn't you read the e-mail that was sent out".
There are other examples, but you get the idea. As you get older certain things just fade away and only certain things occupy your mind. It may not mirror this article, but it's similar. What you enjoy or matters most tends to take focus as you get older, whether you realize it or now.
Focus is good, but as someone getting older myself I find it's more beneficial to pick and choose, rather than reject the present entirely. I.E. it's good not to get wrapped up in every little thing happening at work, not so good to not know what's going on. Good to know what kind of music you like, not so good if you can't find anything you like from the millions of modern artists.
It’s only boring because are allowing yourself to be exposed to more stimulating options. It’s a game of comparing numbers. Just like cave man enjoy “boring” stuff, except they have no choice.
That janitor dude choose to not expose himself or maybe learn not to get reeled into the marketing of exciting things.
I find myself always struggling between being ambitious and being happy.
Ideally I'd like to be both. But when one gets on the "ambitious" treadmill, capitalism wants one to work 24/7/365. Your competition is showing off how they worked until 4am, worked through the holidays, launched products on Sunday, and slept in the office, as "dedication". That culture makes me unhappy because I lose my physical health and mental health doing that. I'm happy and do my best work when I can go home, cook creative dinners, enjoy company of my partner, and enjoy the sunrises and sunsets in the mountains on the weekends.
> how they worked until 4am, worked through the holidays, launched products on Sunday, and slept in the office,
I've worked at companies that did stuff like that, and they failed. It's not sustainable and doesn't lead to success. And yes, capitalism took care of correcting that, because competitors who didn't do those things are still around.
Hm. It's still quite common though. Politics aside, Elon Musk, Jetson Huang, Sam Altman all have successful projects in terms of ambition and impact on the world. They don't spend their weekends in the mountains. They probably hire cleaners and cooks to deal with their food. They probably spend very little time with their partners. They have probably not taken a real 2+ week vacation in ages.
I'm perfectly okay with technological progress happening 50% slower than it is. I'm fine with launching an ambitious, groundbreaking technical project next year instead of this year. I'd be happy launching something that ambitious while enjoying every step along the way and having fun.
Capitalism is the one that isn't okay with that approach.
I'm not sure if a 'Boring Life' is for me. But I am sure I need some seasons of my life to be boring.
Since I was 20 I've grinded away at my career, side hustles, etc... It made me happy. But at a certain point I got far enough ahead I felt complete. I needed a boring phase.
I now wake up, have breakfast with my family, go to work, come home, play with my kids, watch a show, and go to bed. This is a day I would have scoffed at 10 years ago. But it now makes me happy. I don't think it would make me happy if I hadn't went for something the last 15.
And it might not make me happy forever, but it's perfect for me right now.
With you.
I spent my 20s and most of 30s career focused. Now 43 with two kids and in a spot where I can pick what I want to some degree. I can’t imagine the life I have now during my 20s. Maybe it would have been great.
But I’m glad life wasn’t “boring” when I had time freedom.
> Just watching the film made me feel so calm. Like the film itself gave me a warm hug and whispered: “It’s okay to live a slow boring life”.
Maybe it’s me but the only reason you can fall in love with the life of a Japanese toilet cleaner is because either the Japanese society allows someone in that profession to be at peace or the movie leaves out significant parts of life that impact your inner peace. Coming from a place where worrying about arranging even a small amount of money in a short amount of time for a medical emergency could ruin your peace for years, I think all of what’s mentioned in the article is possible only after your basic needs are taken care of.
This is it. Of course you love a boring life. Boring is great, in most people's lives variance is terrible news. But boring means being able to tank variance, which is an absurd luxury.
Poor people can’t afford a slow, boring life in the United States.
That’s a luxury reserved for the rich.
It's about mindset then wealth. Abandoning rat race cost making decision, not your money.
The idea of slowing down and finding joy in small routines assumes you've already escaped the constant anxiety of bills. It’s hard to be at peace when your baseline reality is a few paychecks away from chaos.
There’s a quiet cruelty in how modern economies make stability feel like a luxury. Owning a home, having savings, or even time to be bored used to be normal milestones, now they are privileges. Until the basics are within reach again, the “boring” life will remain a fantasy for many who’d give anything for that kind of peace.
Most of us here work in tech and make six figures, but not everyone has that luxury.
Money doesn't create happiness, but the lack of money can create unhappiness.
This line is often used to downplay how much economic stress shapes mental health.
How does "lack of money can create unhappiness" downplay the effects of economic stress on mental health?
"unhappiness" is quite minimizing of trauma, burnout, and suicide. It's like saying "losing a child can create unhappiness".
I don't know, I really don't feel like it is. I think it's pretty clear that the choice of "unhappiness"/"sadness" is to clearly put it in opposition to the popular "money doesn't bring happiness" cliche, not out of some absolute claim on the magnitude of the suffering the lack of money could bring (so, merely sadness, but not agony, desolation, suffering, or any other stronger negative emotion one could choose).
It just makes the propositional logic of the sentence clearer:
X might not imply Y, but !X implies !Y
I'm glad the sentence structure is pleasing to your logical brain. As a counterpoint, my family has generational trauma from decades of economic stress and that cliche feels minimizing to me.
> There’s a quiet cruelty in how modern economies make stability feel like a luxury. Owning a home, having savings, or even time to be bored used to be normal milestones, now they are privileges.
Ehh, I don't know. Didn't people for vast majority of our history worry about what (if anything) they would eat not even next month, but next week?
Sure, for most of human history, survival was a daily concern. It's just unnatural that in a time of record productivity and abundance, many still feel the same survival anxiety.
My point isn’t that we’re worse off than pre-industrial farmers. It is that progress was supposed to free us from that precarity, not repackage it with Wi-Fi and subscriptions.
"Plunge into the world, and then, after a time, when you have suffered and enjoyed all that is in it, will renunciation come; then will calmness come. So fulfil your desire for power and everything else, and after you have fulfilled the desire, will come the time when you will know that they are all very little things; but until you have fulfilled this desire, until you have passed through that activity, it is impossible for you to come to the state of calmness, serenity, and self-surrender." -Swami Vivekananda
When I was in my 20s and early 30s I read that and scoffed because I was hustling, building my career and company. But over the last few years, I realize all that hustling just leads to an empty shell of a life. I just want a simple life where I spend a lot of time with my wife, son and family.
Sounds like that is the best of both worlds if you can now chase what is meaningful to you today if that is no longer the grind. And had you not “hustled,” you might’ve always wondered “what if?” (which is the true tragedy.)
> “let us take on the world while we’re young and able, and bring us back together when the day is done” - the highwomen
[dead]
Turned 50 recently and I have come to the same conclusion. I just want to live a simply life with simple joys.
However that would only be possible because I've been working and saving since I was 15 years old.
I think in most developed, even developing countries, a simple life with simple joys does not require extraordinary effort and commitment to career. The issue is mostly the inflation of expectations for what is "required" in life, such that "simple joys" becomes a $10 coffee every morning.
We used to be like that, but now we have coffee made in a $25 drip coffee machine bought at Wal Mart. The coffee is actually better because I ultra optimized the preparation process to perfectly suit our taste (100+ days of tweaking parameters during Covid).
The author mistakes introversion to do-little/nothing. Many introverts love socializing and being around friends, it’s just energy-depleting and takes (more) time to recharge.
That said, doing little or nothing is quite relaxing, especially on rainy days.
> I feel the world has become too fast. Too restless. Too demanding. We don’t say it, but there’s always this quiet pressure we all feel. A pressure to know all the latest trends. The latest fashion. The latest tech. A pressure that creates a subtle fear inside our hearts.
I agree with the general premise, just not the details like the above.
Long before trends, fashions, tech entered my life, I became acutely aware of my brevity in this (likely one and only) life. That has been pressure enough, coming from within, to make the most of it.
I guess I have not yet been able to shake that. There are things, like fishing for example, that I suspect I might enjoy. But I see feel the time for fishing is when I am too old to do other things.
FWIW, I am retired now and spend my days working on one project or another (or several).
Perhaps I am not enjoying life as much as I could be … if I could just shake off the anxiety that the sand is running through the hourglass.
My cats sure seem to not care a wit.
I strongly recommend to you to read the book Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. I think it will resonate with you.
Your recommendation is not the first one I have seen. I'll pick it up.
I really like the ideas presented. I hope more people can find happiness like this.
Aside - For some reason I can't stand the writing style but also strongly feel that this opinion is completely wrong and this intense dissonance is a very very bizarre feeling.
Thanks for sharing :)
There's a handful of strange grammatical errors & many short sentences, that gave it a weird vibe for me too. Worth reading, though.
"When I was a kid, science fiction was off in the future somewhere. . . now it’s kind of science fact. . . AI and social media and all these influences are driving progress so quickly, at a pace that I think many of us, as human beings, are having a hard time keeping up with."
This is a quote from Alex Proyas (director of Dark City, irobot, the crow etc), he has long observed that humans are biologically under-adapted for a modernity of silicon-fueld complexity
https://www.starburstmagazine.com/features/alex-proyas-dark-...
The author is just describing the transition to middle age. This has been the transition into one’s late 30s/40s throughout our current era. Why do you think people have midlife crises? It’s because they don’t want to regress to “boringness”.
Well written but I challenge the notion that this is a “new” problem.
“Choose boring tech” is a good parallel that has repeatedly worked out for me over the decades.
> Instead, do things that are sustainable in the long-term. Things that don’t make you feel like you’re betraying yourself. Things that don’t feel forced.
As a counter-perspective, not saying you have, but me forcing myself to do things that are essentially the opposite of that (move to the other side of the world without any plan) basically changed my life for the better. It felt forced, a bit like betraying myself, and as an introvert, completely outside my comfort zone. Yet it was probably the best decision I've made in my life so far.
But again, it's OK to wanting to focus on sustainable, non-forced things too.
I loved this movie, and I appreciate the overall premise of the letter -- simplicity can be freeing, because it allows you time to breathe and discover what really fulfills you. That said, I will never have just 3 hobbies. That's not who I am. I did, through the clarity of the pandemic, learn that there is more to life than money and climbing the career ladder. I don't know that I would have learned that without that time to be alone with my own self trying to find ways to be fulfilled in a time where my job at the time wholeheartedly sucked.
This has to be personality-dependent, as with so many other aspects of human existence; a cozy quiet little life is not what I want at all.
I do like the author's point about "it's ok to miss out", though. You're going to miss most of life anyway, whatever you do, so as long as you found a path through life that felt full as you were walking it, what's the difference which one it was?
Spoiler: Hero of Perfect Days film lives alone, feels lonely and fight with sadness.
> you don’t have to follow the herd
meanwhile, OP's entire substack post denouncing hustle culture is about plugging his viral tweet and his ebook
It's always them, it's never us.
Hard agree! The challenge as you get older is reducing complexity so simple moments can be enjoyed, but it doesn't come easy.
It’s a lot easier to be happy with a boring life if you’ve gone and lived an exciting one first.
Some people reading this (systems engineers with a career) could probably retire, or at least downshift. Work just enough to pay for groceries, and spend your days doing what you actually want.
Today we can access, easily and cheaply (often free), almost every song ever recorded, every book ever written, every movie ever filmed, every video game ever made. You can write and reach thousands. You can film and reach millions. Twenty years ago, that was a millionaire’s life.
It’s the need for more and more and more that alienates us. Do you really need that shiny new car? Do you really need to take a vacation? Do you really need that promotion?
For some, work (and the status that comes with it) became their identity. Take it away and there’s nothing left. Others keep constant noise and stress around just to avoid hearing themselves think.
What if you chose a peaceful life?
You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you.
Plus, not everyone has the privilege to put their feet up and sip green tea on a balcony to look at trees.
Beautiful writing, nonetheless. You do you, friend.
This flavor of "FOMO" is new and tuned for capitalism/materialism, hence everyone wants to be go to trendy restaurants/travel/airbnb lifestyle.
But before "FOMO" used to be religious, more like "FOGTH", or fear of going to hell.
So people were mostly happy living simple, sweet lives. Spend time with family. Raise your children. Have a simple job. Just don't go to hell, so go to church, pray, don't sin. Everything will be great, as long as you don't go to hell.
Probably in like the 60s did consumerism become the mainstream religion and it's been taking over since. Now you *must* make more money to: buy a house, take a fancy vacation, live a luxurious retirement, etc.
The cringe "hustle culture" of today is because for some people, it's their spiritual fulfillment. It is their religion. Their main focal point of existence is to buy bigger, buy better. It's almost taboo to consider an early retirement, "omg, I'd get so bored! I'd go crazy!"
How dare you not follow my religion of selling B2B SaaS? You are not a go-getter, and I am. Did I mention I also have a podcast?
One really interesting aspect I have noticed -
As I have gotten older there are an increasing amount of things I'm not interested in, don't think about, or don't care about anymore.
Music. The latest hits have no appeal to me. It's just noise. I caught myself thinking, "What is this crap these days.". This 100% reminded me of my parents that no longer had interest in listening to the radio, which I thought was really weird and "uncool" as a kid.
Work Topics. I would be in the middle of every e-mail or work topic with great interest. Now, I just file certain e-mails away with never reading them. For the first time in my life I'm that person that can be reminded, "Didn't you read the e-mail that was sent out".
There are other examples, but you get the idea. As you get older certain things just fade away and only certain things occupy your mind. It may not mirror this article, but it's similar. What you enjoy or matters most tends to take focus as you get older, whether you realize it or now.
Focus is good, but as someone getting older myself I find it's more beneficial to pick and choose, rather than reject the present entirely. I.E. it's good not to get wrapped up in every little thing happening at work, not so good to not know what's going on. Good to know what kind of music you like, not so good if you can't find anything you like from the millions of modern artists.
It’s only boring because are allowing yourself to be exposed to more stimulating options. It’s a game of comparing numbers. Just like cave man enjoy “boring” stuff, except they have no choice.
That janitor dude choose to not expose himself or maybe learn not to get reeled into the marketing of exciting things.
I find myself always struggling between being ambitious and being happy.
Ideally I'd like to be both. But when one gets on the "ambitious" treadmill, capitalism wants one to work 24/7/365. Your competition is showing off how they worked until 4am, worked through the holidays, launched products on Sunday, and slept in the office, as "dedication". That culture makes me unhappy because I lose my physical health and mental health doing that. I'm happy and do my best work when I can go home, cook creative dinners, enjoy company of my partner, and enjoy the sunrises and sunsets in the mountains on the weekends.
I think there might be a lesson in there about our primary system of assigning value to things.
> how they worked until 4am, worked through the holidays, launched products on Sunday, and slept in the office,
I've worked at companies that did stuff like that, and they failed. It's not sustainable and doesn't lead to success. And yes, capitalism took care of correcting that, because competitors who didn't do those things are still around.
Hm. It's still quite common though. Politics aside, Elon Musk, Jetson Huang, Sam Altman all have successful projects in terms of ambition and impact on the world. They don't spend their weekends in the mountains. They probably hire cleaners and cooks to deal with their food. They probably spend very little time with their partners. They have probably not taken a real 2+ week vacation in ages.
I'm perfectly okay with technological progress happening 50% slower than it is. I'm fine with launching an ambitious, groundbreaking technical project next year instead of this year. I'd be happy launching something that ambitious while enjoying every step along the way and having fun.
Capitalism is the one that isn't okay with that approach.
> Jetson Huang
Love it!